Erin Kay Anderson
6 min readMar 1, 2020


Love is not cerebral. It is visceral. There is no logic to it. You know it when you feel it. You can’t talk your way into it or talk your way out of it.

It rests in our heart with various intensity for as long as it must, to remind us of its capability and capacity. It has an ebb and a flow attached to memory and moments. Love sets the rules, the vibration — the timeframe — the beat.

In utero, our hearts develop before our brain. The neurons found in our hearts are the same found in our brain, but the two operate independently of each other.

Therefore our heart is as conscious and senior to our mind, and must be treated as so.

The deeper we love each other, the deeper the truths that are revealed. Our greatest loves are our greatest blessings, regardless of duration, time, or space.

Love tells us about ourselves when we are ready to listen.

We can never place it in a box because it knows no preference, common interest, political party, or generation. It just is.

We look at our families who’s life experiences and positions may differ from our own, but the love we share, is never called into question.

What we have learned up until now.

We love fiercely — not blind, not without discernment, and not without reflection or question. We love with a keen sense of awareness. We love with patience & kindness. We let love take its own shape as we continue to better understand ourselves through the relationships — “mirrors” of our lives.

We let love acknowledge ourselves — shed more light in the dark spaces within all of us that are unpacked & untouched.

We do not fight, protest or contest it because we will lose in the debate.

Remember, love wins. It is the ultimate healer regardless of how painful in some moments it seems. Marlene Boyette once said, “Grief is Love with no place to go.” And Akshay Nanavati states, “guilt is an expression of love.” All is love and we learn how to shift the feelings of heartache or break with outlets & actions that uphold & celebrate our creative energy.

Love speaks to a depth inside of us that connects all of us, the blackest spaces of the universe. The space we all came from — the unknown — and the space we will all return.

It tells us to wait, to be patient, to be kinder to ourselves. It’s show us our attachments — habits that are holding us back, the choices we continue to make against our intuition & will, the cycles & patterns of abuse passed down to us by our parents, ancestors — our family trees.

In college, I took Judo for 3 semesters. One of the things I loved most about the practice is that it teaches us how to fall.

We fall in such a way that distributes the impact, protects our neck, softens the blow. There is a necessary balance in falling. This is something that is learned. Something we must teach our bodies.

It also taught us how to let go. In order to be sure no harm comes to us & our partner, there is a certain control in our leverage and grace & a visceral acknowledgement of each other in the release.

And then there is the tap out. We are the regulators. We control when it is time for us to let go. & if it love is present, the person with whom we share this practice of loving better, respects it and gives us the space. Maybe we come back for another round, but then again maybe we don’t.

Love determines the outcome.

Things to consider when falling in love.

When we let go or tap out of old relationships, the pain of the loss is never about the other person, it’s about us.

The part of us that no longer serves us. This may be attachment, vanity, lust, greed, addiction, or judgement. The more we are truly aware of our actions, our histories & our pasts the better our relationship with ourselves and each other.

The history of our love.

Our mother is our first love in this life. Her heartbeat is the first that we know. The sound of her breath like ocean waves are the first sounds that we hear. Our relationships & the reflection of love roll out from there.

Our parents teach us how to love ourselves by how they care for us & our bodies. By how: they feed us, teach us, play, comfort, bathe, cradle, set boundaries in both words and action. Our bodies associate love with these things, regardless of their delivery.

Love is supported by our 6 senses. The 6th being our intuition — when we know that even when fooled by the memory in the body, some actions do not come from a place of love, but rather lust.

Love Versus Lust

Understand that love and lust are two very different concepts & when they overlap the results lead us off our paths into the cycles of abuse. Lust speaks to attachment, it is self serving. It is greed based & operates from a place of lack. A misalignment with our heart, spirit and soul.

When lust try’s to assume power over love, we suffer because lust is insatiable. So despite how much we eat, drink, or how deep we go, if the intention serves only “I” rather than “We,” we will never be truly full and we continue to damage our body in the process.

Lust feeds illness. Love feeds wellness.

We learn the capability & capacity of Love by how we love each other. To achieve the greatest love, we must first love ourselves greatly — from the tips of our toes to the crown of our heads, the light behind our eyes, the aura & smell of our skin. This is a mother’s love — the acceptance of all we have done, what we have left undone, and acknowledging & understanding our need to test our boundaries to better understand ourselves.

This human life is not just about seeing, knowing, or understanding Love, it’s believing in Love.

It’s about tapping into that infinite source to fill our cup & to share wholeheartedly.

How do we fill our hearts? How do we amplify our love?


These past 5 months we have been discussing the Yamas:

Ahimsa: Sharing love in action & thought — being kind to our selves and each other always. Acknowledging negative or violent thought towards ourselves or each other, and consciously replacing it with gratitude.

Sateya: Truthfulness — be honest with both ourselves and with each other. Listening to our intuition and acting in alignment. Truth keeps us safe & sets us free.

Asteya: Give more with no expectation for reciprocation, but pour only from your overflow.

Brahmacharya: Remembering Ahimsa & channeling creative energy to create art, ideas, strategy, business, and/or babies to promote life.

Aparigraha : Learning to let go. Observing our language, patterns, behaviors and negative thoughts that are not serving us or the greater good. Replacing the focus on the pain with a curiosity for joy.

In sum, these are


Be like Love in thoughts, words, and action.

Only then will we find true satisfaction.

Next month we will be focusing on Santosha, the first of the Niyamas.

(This is a 21st century feminine interpretation of the 5 Yamas: a pathway to healing influenced by the teachings of Nischala Joy Devi & her examination of language. )



Erin Kay Anderson

Woman + Human + Yogi (200 YTT) MA intercultural youth & family development BA Sociology & History Novice in this study of “life”